A month prior to this day I was extremely sad thinking about turning 28 years old. I know this sounds silly, some people will say 28 is still young (which it is), but for me, it felt like I was just getting older with nothing to show for it. This is what the enemy truly wanted me to feel and believe. And for a few solid weeks, I did.
You see, I don’t have a husband or a boyfriend and marriage is not on the “horizon” for me. I live at home with my parents (proudly), but I don’t own my own house, I don’t have my OWN home. I don’t have a massive savings account, I am NOT debt free! I work for the government, which I am proud of, however, I am not making a living off of being an influencer, which is one of my dreams. So a month ago when I was thinking about turning 28, these were the only things I could focus on. What I didn’t have, what I haven’t accomplished, all the dreams I wanted to be reality right now, that weren’t.
During this time I attended one of my weekly therapy sessions for anxiety. I explained to my therapist that for the first time ever, I was feeling extremely sad about my birthday. I explained to her that I had all these dreams in my mind that just weren’t reality and I was upset about it. 28 was so close to 30 and I was such a loser. I can’t say why I felt this way. I’m not going to blame social media or comparison, honestly this was just a personal issue that I created within myself. I set these expectations in my own head years ago, and it finally had hit me.
But let me just say how thankful I am for THERAPY! Therapy has been life changing. During this session my therapist had me reflect on all of the things I have accomplished over the last 27 years of my life, and asked me if this trumps what I feel like I haven’t accomplished yet. This was such a positive eye opener, I felt worth something again!
I discovered that I am unstoppable! I am fierce, worthy, creative, and beautiful! Just in the last 365 days I have accomplished SO MUCH!! I became celibate and I just hit ONE YEAR!! I created this blog last September and have been sharing my journey with you all. I became a fashion influencer with LikeToKnow.it and I get paid for people to shop my outfits of the day. I fasted from alcohol and secular music for six weeks. I attended a Financial Freedom class and started budgeting like a BOSS. I started reading the Bible. Heck, I STARTED READING IN GENERAL!! I was never into books. I started attending therapy for anxiety and attacking my fears head on, and I started a YouTube channel. But most of all, this year alone was full of me JUST DOING despite of any fears and reservations I had! I was no longer a slave to fear, I didn’t let other people’s opinions guide my life. I got closer to Jesus and my life has been taking off ever since.
So when I think about my fears of getting older, I think about everything that I do have that will only enhance my future when ALL of my dreams come true. I have Jesus, amazing friends, family, the BEST parents, a 7 year career, financial freedom, creativity, style, joy, therapy, wisdom, freedom, and the ability to continue to grow and be great. I have LIFE.
I have learned so much and grown so far over the last 27 years of my life. I love and accept who I am, and I am excited for who I am becoming. I have found so much purpose in life and I am finally allowing myself to be who I am created to be, creatively, emotionally, physically, financially, and spiritually.
So if you are feeling like you are not where you want to be in life, first and foremost, THANK GOD for feeling this way. Why? Because this means you have more purpose in life and God can lead you there!! Secondly, take some time and reflect on all of the things you HAVE accomplished. I bet this list outweighs the list of goals and dreams you have. And even if it doesn’t, you will have a list right in front of you that you can be so proud of. Be encouraged because you have so much LIFE to live, you only get one shot at it, so remain proud in every little thing that you do! Keep going and never look back!
As for me, TWENTY-EIGHT will be one of my best years.
My beautiful dress is from Rabecca’s Boutique, styled by the amazing Frilancy herself 🙂
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